Okay, so I finally got to watch the premiere last night and, while I was a tad disappointed that it was only an hour long, it was still fun and I'm still glad it's back.

The self-delusion! The ignorance! The sheer idiocy!! Ahh, ANTM, you rarely disappoint.

With that said, I have a few things I just have to say before rankings:

1. Man, Marvita looks like Chris Rock. She talks like Chris Rock. Because of that, I thought she was rightly denied a place in the house. But I do have to give her props for the resignation with which she accepted the news that she didn't make it. That was pretty mature, which speaks well of her and her potential for future success in a normal career.

2. Which brings me to Typrah: I'm used to her manipulating the girls to get them to cry because, apparently, the CW believes that tears = ratings. But, man, it made even me uncomfortable when they started bringing up all the crap from Marvita's past that she clearly didn't want to be reminded of (and with good reason!!) -- SO manipulative and really just cruel. That's not cool, Typrah.

3. How hilarious was Sylvia's reaction to getting cut? "I guess I'm just going to have to keep answering the questions and die a little inside every time." Ahahahaha!! Not to mention Sabrina's rejoinder of "My confidence was so high. But I guess it just shows that, sometimes you can't be so sure."

Really, Sabrina? Can this be true? If I believe with all my heart and set my mind to doing something, that isn't a guarantee of success? That sometimes it requires talent and/or hard work to achieve my goals? Wow, that changes everything.

4. I kind of loved Jennifuh from Walpole, MA. I thought her accent was adorable ("I'm a BAHtenduh. PAHK the CAH at HAHvud YAHD") and I even kinda liked her hair. Was a little sad she didn't make it. Even though I knew she didn't make it because she wasn't in the pre-show pix or anything.

5. I think the part of this show I hate the most is when Tyra says, "And the next name I'm going to call is..." UGH. I guess that, technically, that's grammatically correct, but it's so horribly, horribly, horribly redundant. I guess that would be the blogging equivalent of typing, "And the next sentence fragment I am going to type is: 'And the next sentence fragment I am going to type is.'"

Well, with that said, there's no sense in dwelling on the past, so...

RANKINGS!!

I know and agree that it's difficult to figure out the winner at this point in the game, but I do have early favorites and also have no qualms about changing my mind or being wrong, so here goes. And it's just a poll, folks. We don't have to pay anything if we're wrong. It's just for fun.

13. Ebony

A lot of the time, my opinion of the girls' looks changes when I see them onscreen. I look at the pre-show pix for weeks and history has proven that the pix usually do very little to show the hamsters at their best. Many times, I've declared a girl super-fug only to watch her on the show and think, "Wow, she actually looks gorgeous on the show."

I'm happy to say that, with Ebony, she is just as fugly (inside AND out!) as I thought she was.

I mean, really, she just looks SCARY. It's like her eyes aren't connected to her brain or something; I can't even really put my finger on why she freaks me out so. But, ugh, if it were based on looks alone, I wouldn't hesitate to vote her out every single time.

On top of all that, she is definitely the Camille/Eva/Jade/Lisa/take your pic of the cycle. Which, sadly, means that she probably won't get the boot until the final six at least.

Then again, Monique and Brandy got booted pretty early, so maybe there's hope. UGH.

Oh, and that walk she's so proud of? It's horrible. UGH. She's like those deluded people that go on "American Idol" and croak their way to national humiliation because "all of my friends tell me that I'm an ossom singer."

12. Mila

Unlike Ebony, I think that Mila is far fuglier on camera than she was in her intro pix. I don't know if that's good or bad.

What I do know is bad is Mila's annoying personality. "I think crying is kind of a waste of time"? Come on, you might as well challenge Typrah to her face. On top of which, her "optimism" really smacks of pretense. Actually, it's either pretense or idiocy, so I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say idiocy for the time being.

And to cap all of that, she has pretty big thighs for a model, a la C3's Cassie. I mean, I've got big thighs, but that's why you don't see me pursuing a career in modeling (despite the fact that I am, indeed, FIERCE ).

Ebony is my least favorite, but I actually dearly hope that Mila gets the boot first.

11. Chantal

I'm not quite sure what it is about Chantal that irritates me so. I think it might have been her whole "perfect Southern Belle Barbie" comment. It might also have been her "but I have knowledge about fashion" comment. THEN WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE THAT, CHANTAL??? Ugh.

And she's really not that pretty. There's a rather... sharp... common look to her. I can't really quantify it, but I'm not the biggest Chantal fan, ever.

10. Lisa

So, Lisa, what do you do for a living? You're a dancer? A bikini dancer? It really amuses me that Lisa is so hoity-toity about how "I do wear a bikini; I'm not naked or topless. I do stress that." Because that would make it wrong.

And I don't really think she's anything all that special in the looks department. She's not super-fug, but she's definitely not the winner of this competition.

9. Victoria

Victoria claims to have the fashion sensibility of a 12-year-old boy. She also tells us that she's part of a prestigious history program at Yale University. And that this whole thing started out as a joke.

This was just a joke? You stood in line for hours to try out for a joke? And you're still doing it? You're willing to leave school to continue this farce? Oh, haha! Good one, Victoria! That'll show 'em! Won't they feel stupid if you end up winning!

I call shenanigans.

I have to say, though, that, while I still stand by my pre-show assessment that she's just another C6 Brooke, there's something about her onscreen that makes me want to keep looking at her. But that's the only reason she outranks Lisa, here.

8. Jenah

Jenah says that she hangs out with boys a lot or something. And it totally comes out in the way she talks. And those are quite some chompers she's got on her, too.

She's not the most annoying and she's not the ugliest, either, but something about her makes me think that her pix won't be very consistent. She has potential, but, MAN, those teeth. Something definitely needs to be done about those Mr. Ed chompers of hers.

7. Kimberly

Kimberly's actually quite pretty. Her eyes are striking.

My problems with her are twofold: first of all, her hair constantly looks greasy. Yikes. And second of all, that whole screaming to release stress thing? If I tried that at home, my momma would smack me, and rightly so.

I highly doubt that Kimberly actually does this on a regular basis whenever she's stressed. Which makes me suspect that she's lying to us. And I hate being lied to! Especially on television, that bastion of truth!

Seriously, though, it does strike me as nothing more than a feeble attempt at seeming "different" or "free-spirited," which is just annoying.

6. Janet

Janet's... okay, I guess. She's not ugly, and she's perky, but not as annoying as Mila.

But, in my opinion, she looks rather old.

And anyone who will simulate a butt-wax for Tyra just to kiss up is really not someone I can root for to become America's Next Top Model. Ew.

5. Ambreal

She's got a look, and she seems pleasant enough (she's at a little less than Janet's level of annoying right now).

But that walk!! It's terrifying, with all the swinging arms and clomping denim spats.

The spats would be enough to kick her down to the bottom five, but her face is pretty fierce and walks can be fixable (see Nik from C5. Her Stevie Wonder bobble was much improved by the final runway walk-off).

4. Sarah

Sarah is gorgeous and I think that Jay Manuel actually hit on something with his idea of "real-sized" modeling. Yeah, who is out there representing sizes 4-8 to the world? WE EXIST. In fact, I think that we outnumber all the other sizes.

My only problem with her is that, in this particular ep, she came off so... boring. I hate to hit her with the "big girl's lost her spark" thing already, but, man, she really doesn't have much personality, does she?

But by virtue of being the plus-sizer, and a small plus-sizer, which is a novelty, I think she'll make it pretty far. And, really, she is quite pretty.

3. Bianca

It was really hard for me to rank my top three, but, like I said, this is just for fun, so I'm going to feel free to change my mind next week, so no pressure for this week.

I love me some Bianca. She's hilarious!! And she' much more gorgeous on camera than she was in that awful pic they put on the website.

I think that, of all the girls this cycle, she's got the strongest "normal" personality. I really hope she sticks around because I think her voice of reason wil play well off of Ebony's insanity.

2. Saleisha

Saleisha is a little boring. I'll admit it. And her look is pretty commercial. I'll admit that, too. But, man, she is beautiful! And compared to this batch of fairly fugly hamsters, she really stands out to me, beauty-wise.

And she totally reminds me of Rihanna, whom I love. So that's definitely points for Saleisha.

1. Heather

Heather's genuine awkwardness is so endearing! I loved "Hey, pretty lady! And. Um. Tyra." She seems like a sweet kid and I think that her goal of winning one for the socially awkward nerds out there is legit and admirable.

On top of all that, she really is stunning. Her eyes are just striking. I love the blue eyes with dark hair combo.

I can see how she could have been a social outcast in school because she really is so genuinely awkward. And if the other kids knew she had Asperger's, they probably would've steered clear and maybe even made fun of her.

And even though this is obviously more a sentimental endorsement than anything else:

WIN ONE FOR THE NERDS, HEATHER!!!

Can't wait for this week's ep! First portfolio pix!! WHOOHOO!!