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ANTM, C08E05: Jelinas Reviews the Portfolio - "Gender-Bending Couples"

Posted By Livience on Apr 3, 2007 at 6:37PM

Before I get down to the usual business, a few things:

1. Was it just me or did Tyra actually look good at Panel? If only she would look in a mirror every day before leaving the house!
2. What is with this show making girls take gender-bending photos? Far as I can see, it doesn't seem to prove much except for which girls are hiding shenises (*cough*Jaslene*cough*).

Now, on to the rankings!!


"Red-Carpet Couple""Red-Carpet Couple"

Di(M)ana was bland on set once again and the judges finally noticed. I know that every plus-sized model gets booted from the show because she's "lost her spark" or whatever, but, in this case, it's actually true.

And I think it's believable that this is her best shot. She was totally getting worked by her queen in that shoot.

Also: man, it was scary when she was crying in her man makeup.

8. Whitney

"Collegiate Couple""Collegiate Couple"

Talk about your nasty pictures. Imagine a dude like that with boobs like that!! Heinous!!

But I think they should have taped down her boobs or something, the way they did for Diana in C5.

I also wish that Whitney had gone for more of a party-frat-boy vibe instead of a pompous, Phi Beta Kappa vibe. That would've brought some more energy to her shoot, IMO.

Then again, she does go to Dartmouth. Go fig.

I was a li'l disappointed in Whitney for gossiping about Natasha (and with Renee, of all people! That's just foul). But I have to love her for reacting with such genuine sorrow at Diana's elimination. Diana said she'd miss Whitney the most and I think it says a lot about Whitney that her first reaction was sorrow for Diana and not relief for herself.

I think that was the first time a hamster ever took so long to go get her picture from Tyra. Usually, they're like, "OH, thank God, thank you, Tyra! Oh, yeah, I'm gonna miss you, girl. WHOOHOO!! I'm still in the running!"

She and Dionne are still my favorites.

Correct me if I'm wrong, though, because I like to give credit where credit is due.

I wonder if she apologized to Natasha for not listening to her. At least she was able to admit that she was wrong on camera.

7. Jaslene

"Yachting Preppy Couple""Yachting Preppy Couple"

I'm sorry, but I totally have to disagree with the judges on this one. This picture looks SO not natural.

What preppy do you know that would leave his hair so frizzy under his hat? Ew. And I think she looks much too serene to be a prepster. She should have been perkier. The hand-holding pose was so boring.

But I do think that Jaslene takes the prize for "Manliest." Yikes.

6. Sarah

Rock Star CoupleRock Star Couple

She's just a girl with a beard. Her pose is so effeminate. She got double the frames and this was the best she could do? Pathetic.

I usually thinks she takes good pix, but this was just awful.

And, WOW, she is so irritating with all her contrived perkiness. I really hate that thing she does when she acts all excited and kind of jumps back and drops her jaw. Sometimes, she alternates that with sticking her tongue out between her teeth. Do any of you know what I'm talking about?

And it was pretty irritating, watching her all excited about winning the challenge when she knew full well that she had nothing to do with her own outfit. "Yeah, I was, like, 'I love the blue, it's great with my skin and hair.'" Shut up, Sarah. Ugh.


"Backwoods Couple""Backwoods Couple"

I didn't get all the raves about this one, either. I thought she should've tried more of a yokel vibe, instead of the "fierce lumberjack" she's got going on here.

These girls just don't know how to have fun.

4. Jael

"Bohemian Couple""Bohemian Couple"

I actually rather liked this pic. Her pose, while a little feminine, is: 1. Nowhere near as feminine as Sarah's and 2. Much funnier. It really displays Jael's quirkiness and I kinda like that.

Oh, and how hilarious was it when Tyra called Jael up for review and responded to her by drawling, "Hiiiiiii, Jaaaeeeeeeeeellllll."


3. Renee

"80s Glam Rock Couple""80s Glam Rock Couple"

This picture totally works. She's got this whole George Michael thing going on. It's pretty ossom.

Renee is fouler than ever, though. Those comments about a plus-sized model never being on the cover of Vogue were SUCH an obvious ploy to demoralize Diana and Whitney. I rather wonder at Whitney for letting it get to her.

Oh, and how cute was Whitney with her "I can do whatever I darned well please" and "Shut the heck up, Renee." So cute!!

But back to the foulness that is Renee: notice how, when interviewd, she claimed that she picked out Sarah's winning outfit, except that Dionne picked out the shirt, but, later, it comes out that Dionne picked it. LIAR!!!

2. Natasha

"Gangsta Couple""Gangsta Couple"

This is hands-down Natasha's best pic. Sad that she had to dress like a dude to get this caliber of results.

But it's genius! The grill! The K-Fed pose! The hand on the crotch! It's like she watched Malibu's Most Wanted a bazillion times in order to get into character! Sheer genius.

And, as creepy as her relationship with her husband is, I felt a little sorry for her when all the girls were "peeking" on her. She seems like a sweet enough kid, despite her idiocy.

1. Dionne

"Power Couple""Power Couple"

This pic is HOTT. She looks like a dude, but she looks FIERCE. I thought she was right on with what she was trying to do in the photoshoot; her pose exudes power and masculinity. I even like that she doesn't seem to be all that connected to her "wife." It tells me that "he" is putting "his" career above all else.

If this had been a real shoot, they would have been able to wrap it in the first five frames. Why keep going when you already did it right? You go, girl.

And she did look good at Panel; and all she had to do was change her top!

One thing I will say, though: tone down the bitterness at losing the challenge a bit because while, yes, you did pick Sarah's outfit, you also picked your own, and your own wasn't good enough. I say this because I love you, Dionne, and I don't want you to be arrogantly deluded like most of your competition.

But you can always count on my girl Dionne to bring the comedy. Gotta love her for that.

What do you think?