What a great model has-been (read: "star")-studded episode!

So, for this shoot, each model posed with a former contestant as a shout-out to a scandalous moment from former cycles. Some of the photos turned out good; I actually rather liked the comic-booky feel of them (but to each his own).

RANKINGS!!

7. Whitney

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything!" Shannon refuses to do a nude photo shoot.

Odd that they got Shannon instead of Robyn (who apparently now spells her name "Robynne") to do this when it was actually Robyn who said that. But whatever, show.

Anyhoots, so Shannon's supposed to be urging Whitney not to bare it all for a photo shoot and Whitney looks... bored? Dazed? It's hard to tell. She's just kind of staring off into space with a vaguely concerned look, like, "Uh-oh... did I leave the oven on back at the house? Are my delicious triple-fudge brownies toast?"

Also, I didn't even notice that there were any shoes in this photo until I remembered that this was supposed to be for a shoe ad and went back to look again.

I loved Whitney and think she's the prettiest plus-sizer we've ever had on the show, but, man, her last few pix were no good. She might have a good plus-sized future ahead of her regardless, though.

But if I were here, I'd go back to Dartmouth and get a real future.

6. Jael

"I guess I AM drop-dead gorgeous!" Rebecca faints at panel due to a vagus nerve malfunction.

What the heck is Jael doing?? This doesn't look like a dead faint. It looks more like, "I accidentally fell down and now I'm trying to make it look like I did it on purpose to prevent further embarrassment."

Her face is boring and the two things I harp about every week still stand (i.e. 1. HER SKIN IS TERRIBLE and 2. HER VOICE IS TERRIBLE. I totally agree with Twiggy, who said she'd lose a casting as soon as she opened her mouth). I also don't like that all you really see of the shoe is the sole.

Oh, and Jael? (still mumbling) "I will definitely prove myself to be all that you believe I am." Uhhh... okay.

5. Jaslene

"I didn't steal your granola bars!" Bre throws a tantrum about her missing granola bars.

Another one where the shoes take a backseat.

This isn't Jaslene's best pic; you can hardly see her face and she does look awfully clenchy.

4. Renee

"It hurts - don't it?" Joanie gets her teeth fixed.

I can't say that I really get this pose or facial expression. She looks mildly perturbed where she ought to be looking absolutely terrified. Her hand is to her face, not saying, "Please don't hurt me," but instead, "Oh, my. Well, I guess there's not much else I can do." All in all, it's rather boring.

JOANIE, on the other hand, looks gorgeous. Of all the girls who came back this week, she took the best shot (though the twins were a close second).

Oh, and I must say that her son is adorable. And you can tell that she genuinely loves her family, incorrigible though she may be to everyone else.

3. Dionne

"One down, eleven to go!" Kim is kissed by Sarah in the limo.

For someone who's "no lesbo," Dionne did a great job of making this pic believable. Unfortunately, you can't really see the shoes.

It's no secret that I'm a huge Dionne fan and this ep made me love her even more. "The first thing I see is my mom and my sister and my baby! And I'm thinking, 'What the **** did you do to my baby's hair??'" BWAAAAHAHA!! Oh, Dionne. You are too ossom.

2. Brittany

"Good things always come in threes!" Michelle and Amanda are the first identical twins to compete on the show.

This pic is hott. She looks absolutely fierce and, despite the odd dresses these three are styling, they make it work. AND they show the shoes off okay.

Brittany annoys me, though, with her weird kiddie voice and her constant crying. Not to mention that, even without the weave, she shows up to panel looking absolutely scruffy!! I mean, COME ON!!!

1. Natasha

"I make flesh-eating bacteria look FIERCE!" Michelle gets impetigo (not actually a flesh-eating bacteria, show).

This is how it's done. The shoes are nicely displayed, her face looks good. Despite all her idiocy at the beginning of the show, she seems to be one of the few who are actually learning from their mistakes and growing as a result. Natasha's pix keep getting better and better. Good for her.

And those pix of her daughter are stunning! Those eyes! Unbelievable!

However, the laaaaaaame way in which she read Tyra Mail whilst trying to pose only foreshadows trouble down the line for Natasha, IMO. She still doesn't know how to walk very well. And only Jael would be worse than her in an interview.

All in all, I thought it was an okay shoot; not the best.

Next week: AUSTRALIA!!! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OY! OY! OY!!