Okay, here's a critique of their second shoot. I rated it a 2.5 because it was better than their first shoot -- but still pretty lame.

I thought the direction on this shoot was particularly crappy. Obviously, it's been a loooong time since anyone involved in directing this show at all has been to high school. Or watched Mean Girls (btw, I love that movie!! Too bad LiLo turned into such a ho-bag afterwards).

But here's my review nonetheless. Remember, the ranking is based mainly on the photo, but I will discuss other aspects of the show. This episode had runway walking, so I'll also provide a brief critique of each girl's walk.

Let's begin!

12. Diana

"Class President"

Diana just does not do anything for me. As discussed in my last post, a plus-sized model needs to bring some ZING! to the table. All Diana brings is ZZZzzzZZZs.

In this pic, nothing about her pose says to me, "this girl is ambitious and wants to win." When I think "Class President," I think Tracy Flick from Election. But Diana doesn't convey any of Tracy's drive or passion.

It's like someone was taking a picture of the campaign poster and Diana just happened to wander into the shot. To be fair, it's probably due in large part to the way this shoot was styled, but Diana certainly doesn't rise above it. I kinda hope she gets booted next week.

As for her walk, I know she's a big girl (at 6'1" and 198 lbs., she's the largest competitor in ANTM history), but that's all the more reason not to lumber down the catwalk, honey. Practice walking in heels without tromping, please.

11. Natasha

"Teacher's Pet"

No wonder she has to suck up to the teacher. She's gotta be the worst student in the class, dumb as she is.

Now, I know there's a language barrier, but, if you can't take direction, you can't model, now, can you? That would be like me trying to be a national spokesperson for a Don't Eat Girl Scout Cookies at Your Desk at Work campaign. If I can't even understand the concept, how am I going to succeed in conveying it?

Jay Manuel apparently said that it was the toughest shoot in ANTM history, including shoots with Ann from C3. No wonder Natasha perked up when she heard this -- Ann is actually one of the more successful alumnae of the show.

But don't get your hopes up, Nat. You're far, far dumber than Ann. In this picture, she looks like she's all, "I am taking peecture with epple! Epple is deeleecious, da? Why I am seeting on desk, I don' know, but I em look very preetty end I em smiling beeg Amyerican smile for all fans!"

And her walk is horrendous. On top of everything Roy Campbell said about her having no clue what was going on, she seems to think that runway walk = pimp swagger + Elaine Benes dancing. Her arms are flailing all over the place, her shoulders are working overtime. That is not fierce or pretty or even human, my dear.

10. Samantha (BOOTED)

"School Slut"

I liked Samantha, I really did. She reminds me of actress Heather Burns, especially her role as Miss Rhode Island in Miss Congeniality. Her having said, "So, last week I was a lesbian and this week, I'm a ho," endeared her to me even more. It's a pity that she's so uncomfortable with being sexy. Unfortunately, Sam, honey, that's a huge part of the fashion industry.

Her discomfort truly shines through in this photograph. It looks as though she was forced to dress like this by the mean girls in the high school sorority that she is dying to pledge so that she can finally be popular, but it all turned out to be a cruel joke and everyone in the cafeteria laughed at her and she ran out to the bleachers to have a good cry, but she's just realized that she doesn't really care because they were just a bunch of shallow hos anyway.

Hopefully, her nerdy, but hot, best friend will follow her out to the bleachers to comfort her, wipe away her ho makeup and tell her that he's always thought she was beautiful just the way she was before and she'll realize that she doesn't want to date the captain of the football team after all, but that she's been in love with her best friend all along!

So, in short, I wish you all the best a teenybopper film can offer you, Samantha. Even though you do walk stiffly, yet oddly slouched over. Stand up straight, girl!! And pluck them brows!! Since you're not sticking around for makeover week, no one's going to do that for you!

9. Cassandra

"Cheerleader"

Poor Cassandra. I really think that she was the victim of some bad direction, here. It seems that they somehow got it into her head that they wanted her to portray this jaded, disaffected cheerleader, not your typical perky one. But, at Panel, they criticized her for seeming too detached. That's what you told her to do, fools!!

In all fairness, she does come off looking spectacularly bored in this pic, which is what they were asking her for on set. And her body looks great. It's a wasted opportunity, in my view. They should have done better so that she could have done better.

On the plus side for Cassandra, though, she has a great, regal walk. She's very composed and confident on the runway, and I think that she has far and away the best legs of this competition. I hope she gets fair shakes at the next shoot.

8. Whitney

"Mean Girl"

Now, y'all know I love Whitney: she's funny, down-to-earth, seems to genuinely love her body (and her potato chips), and has that fierce People's Eyebrow, which she is totally rockin' in this picture.

However, I can't bring myself to believe that this was the best picture she could take. I really think that she has the potential and the smarts (Dartmouth, y'all! Basketball scholarship or no, that's still pretty darned prestigious!) to be more aware of her body. What's with the wide stance? It's a little weird to me.

But, on the plus size -- I mean, uh, "side" (hardy-har-har) -- her face is great! She's totally thinking, "You think you can be my friend? Girl, I just convinced Samantha to dress like a ho and dance like an idiot in front of the whole school. How dare you presume to address me as your equal? I would lay the smack down right now if Miss Stoeger wasn't standing right there. But rest assured that I will destroy you later."

Her walk is pretty good, too. Unlike Diana, who totally galumphs down the runway, Whitney struts -- pretty fiercely, I might add. She's got something. She might get the farthest a big girl has ever gotten in this competition. I hope she gets to at least make it to whatever fashion destination they're headed for this cycle.

7. Jael

"Bookworm"

I must say that I think Jael got the easiest shoot. Between the styling and the set, I think the only girl who could've screwed up this shoot was Natasha ("I em woorm inside boook? What it means, thees 'boookwoooorm?' Is to be sexy?").

She did a good job, but I don't give her that much credit for it. It wasn't that hard.

And this really cannot be iterated enough: Girl looks ROUGH in real life. I mean, can we say "pock marks?" Usually, skin like that relegates one to work in voiceovers or radio or "character acting" in the entertainment industry. But, somehow, Jael made it through and she is actually taking good (if fantastically airbrushed) pix.

Don't get me wrong, I actually like Jael on the show. She's much more fun to watch than, say, Renee (aka Captain Blamer). But I do think that, in order to merit the big bucks a supermodel makes, one ought to be decent-looking in person.

Her walk is okay; not great, but not bad, either.

6. Brittany

"Valedictorian"

WARNING: UNPOPULAR OPINION AHEAD.

"Why is Brittany so far down on this list??" people are probably hissing at their screens, as they read this blog through eyes narrowed in indignation. Well, I'll tell you why, people. I didn't think that her picture was all that.

Her face looks GREAT, I'll give you that, but, last I checked, there was a theme for this shoot, wasn't there? Isn't she supposed to be the valedictorian? Nothing in this picture says "valedictorian" to me. She's not wearing the cap, she's holding it. She's not standing behind the podium, she's standing next to it. Did she give a speech at her graduation or is she just looking fierce cleaning up after it?

This picture doesn't say, "I graduated at the head of my class." No, it says, "I graduated." And her blouse silently adds, "From clown college."

And it really puzzled me that she won the runway challenge this week. Her walk is really awkward; she's quite gangly. Maybe high school kids like that because it reminds them of themselves. But I don't think it'll cut it in New York, Paris or Milan.

But, despite all that, she's still pretty and takes good (if generic) pix.

5. Jaslene

"Weirdo"

I think Jaslene's photoshoot was second only to Jael's in regard to ease of execution. With that wardrobe and that makeup, who wouldn't be able to pull this off? Hint: "I em weeirdo? I hef to wear fur coat? I wear many fur coat in Russia! Is sexy! No? Not sexy? What you mean, why is hef to be scaaary?"

Add in that only Jaslene has the Omahyra Mota-ish looks to pull it off, and she's golden. It is rather a good picture, and she certainly has a creepy quality to her. But since that's just part of everyday life for ol' Jas, I don't think we should give her too much credit for it.

I will, however, give her madd props for her walk. Sure, she's an insufferably arrogant twit (you boast about how great you think your walk is and then you're shocked when the other girls resent that? Come on. Jay Alexander was right, you need a thicker skin), but at least she has the walk to back it up. Hopefully, Roy Campbell's smackdown humbled her a little so that she'll pay attention to the effect of her walk as a part of the show and not walk as though showing off her strut is the only thing that matters.

4. Renee

"Class Clown"

I will concede the point that Renee made about her shoot being rather hard. Between the weird outfit and the boring set, she didn't have all that much to work with. And, given the way her shoot was edited, I was quite surprised that she was able to turn out this good a photo.

However, I just have to say: Renee: QUIT YER WHININ'!!! You know how models get different kinds of jobs? By being versatile. By taking good pix in all kinds of different circumstances. Suck it up. You didn't get the easiest one, but you didn't get the hardest one, either.

That said, this pic is quite good. She looks a little like a pre-botoxed Liz Hurley here. The jump is good, and she looks pretty crazy and happy-go-lucky.

Her walk is decent, but certainly nowhere near as phenomenal as she seems to think it is. So her crappy personality remains her most distinguishing feature.

3. Dionne

"Bad Girl"

This is a great pic. She's got the perfect air of bad-girl rebellion, here. She's writing those standards, but the way she's got her leg up on that chalk ledge says, "But you can't stop me from hittin' that reef in the girls' room after I'm done."

Her walk ain't bad. I'm hoping she'll get better because I really like her!!

2. Sarah

"Class Flirt"

So the braggart has redeemed herself. This is a great pic; were she wearing Skechers, this could totally be a Skechers ad. The way she looks here reminds me a little of that scene in Clueless where Cher first meets Christian and intentionally knocks her pen off her desk so that he has to pick it up for her -- getting a great view of her gams in the process. "Nice stems," he tells her as he returns her pen.

Well done, Sarah. Don't let it go to your head. Oh, too late!

As for Boobgate 2007, I can kinda understand why she didn't stop walking to adjust her pups. I mean, this is a modeling competition and you don't want to lose because you stopped to cover a part of yourself that you hope will make you millions in the future. And her walk is among the better ones of this cycle, IMO.

It's just too bad that she's such an arrogant blowhard.

1. Felicia

"Jock"

Ossom pic. The way she's jumping really shows off her bod, and she's just so gorgeous! I do wish they'd chosen a shot where her hair wasn't in her face, but even that detail kinda says, "Even with hair in my face, I'm still going to beat you."

I love me some Felicia and I'm glad she did so well at this shoot.

Her walk is pretty good. I think we'll see more of it in coming episodes.

Thanks for reading, my dears! See you next week, but until then, stay fierce!

Kisses,
Jelinas